When You Smiled at Me
by jadelitfireflies
Summary: When Akito dies, the full weight of the curse must be given to someone else. If Kyou finally wins... what will happen to both him and Yuki? (Kyou's POV) (Anime only) YxK


            Cats are supposed to see in the dark. ... I can't see anything. Anymore. When I saw Tohru, I saw Tohru. Shigure was Shigure. And you... you damned mouse... I hated you. Just like that octopus Haru did.

            I'm not afraid! ... Don't ask me that. I heard the stories my "father" told about his grandfather. I'm not like that! I will not be weak. Especially not in front of her. In front... of you...

            You were always stronger than me. I couldn't beat you. I tried so many times to just have you throw me into the dirt. _Prince Yuki_. But...

            "Kyou." Shigure looked as if he pitied me again, damn him. I wrenched away from it.

            "He's not dead!" I yelled, feeling the recoil at the volume of my voice. "I will not believe this lie!" _Not if it was..._

            Hatori: "It was --" _He was my father..._

            "Hatori, don't." _It can't be..._

            Where was Tohru to fix this? She was our miracle worker, wasn't she? I balled my hands into fists, fists which had fought this man... this now dead man... Where was Tohru?

            That's why. That's why it happened. My anger cooled and became solid. There were stars. At night, on the roof. I hated each of them. I didn't hate them. And in the day you were there, and as I walked past I caught your roundhouse kick to my head by the ankle and punched you in the gut. I was... calm. 

            I remember your eyes. There... wasn't a game anymore. I had won. It was over. But it couldn't be. That... wasn't possible. Was it? Was it? But I remember that look. _You idiot cat. What are we going to do now?_

            I couldn't sleep. Spending all my nights plotting, going over and over our fights... and in one shot I'd won. Years. What were they for? I'd stretch my hand out to the night. Nothing. I was empty. When I saw you in the day... Shigure knew. He tried... but... what was left... for us, then? I didn't... hate you. And Tohru... was gone.

           She visited ever weekend for a while, after she'd moved out. I remember that, too, you know - her room was vacant. I kept to myself on the roof. I waited for her to come back. And you... in your own way... did too. Right? She wasn't actually gone until she was _gone_. And then, she was. 

            "Shigure-san, thank you so much for letting me stay in your house!"

            Her voice sounded older. She'd grown up. I couldn't... protect her...

            I didn't look at her, either. I shoved my hands in my pockets; I stared away and to the left. You smiled at her. That damned "charming" smile. You called her "Tohru-kun." Thanking her. And what did I say? I didn't say anything. I saw _that_ look, too... _You can't say anything? It figures. That's like you. And - you damned mouse - you were right._

            But we got along. It was hard, but with me cooking there weren't anymore leeks, and you kept the house sort of clean. Shigure was... Shigure. Your idiot brother came over all the time. And somehow, I'd noticed, you let that garden of yours die. It seemed normal after a while. Everything was normal, just like... the beads on my wrist.

            So when it happened, when Akito died, it was like I had been shoved out of the Souma family again. I wasn't one of you. I never was. Shigure was out all the time. Only time I ever saw that guy serious. And you, the mouse, stayed right at the window. Never leaving the house. Then you died, too, didn't you? You never told me what happened. As a child, I'd seen it before. You had been sick. "_Disgusting..." Mother... _

            It was... a mistake. I had a carton of milk. I was going up the stairs, but the sounds stopped me. You were always so quiet, mouse...

            "Why? Why do I have to feel this way?!"

            My eyes widened. I didn't move.

            "I should be happy he's dead!" A brief pause. "Why am I not happy?!"

            I couldn't leave. I drew closer to the door, opened it...

            "I hate him. I hate him." With your hands clenched and resting on the window sill, you stifled a sob. "I should be happy..."

            "...Yuki." Why did I say that?! Why did I say your name like that?!

            You froze. I had ruined it. There was no hope.

            Spinning, you glared at me - you hated me - "Get out of here, you damned cat! Don't come in here!"

            And, like my namesake, I... ran away... No, don't say anything yet. I'm not finished. I'm not finished! You always do that. Everyone always did that. No one ever listened to me. But I never really had anything to say.

            You were bitter then, Yuki.

            That's not to say Shigure and I didn't come back after a while. We did. It was just always different. Shigure spend most of his time with Hatori and your stupid brother. I would buy the food, and cook it... or stay outside, waiting. Maybe you would come out one day, and fight me. You weren't really becoming like... Akito, were you?

            I waited. When it was cold I would walk by your door... Shigure would see you sometimes, and I would listen but hear nothing. I didn't ask. And I knew you didn't want to see me. I started to explain why. You hated me. And... that was okay.

            Then I got tired of waiting. I brought you food instead of Shigure one night. When you had left in the day sometimes I had seen you. But you were... older...

            "Yuki."

            When had I started calling you that? It was just natural... I didn't hate you. But when I looked at you, I didn't see Yuki, either. 

            "I brought... you food," I muttered. I heard Shigure's breathing from outside the door.

            "Why?"

            "Aren't you hungry?"

            You made a face at the tray. The blue in your eyes seemed... grayer.

            "I can't eat this."

            "What's wrong with it?!" I shouted angrily. "I made it."

            "That's why I can't eat it."

            "Will you just try it?!"

            "Idiot cat."

            "Eat it, you damned mouse!"

            You pushed the tray at me. That's when Shigure stepped in.

            "Tohru-kun would want you to be nice to him, Yuki-kun."

            You stared at him sharply, and I left.

            Eventually you would eat something. Just a little. When I visited you we didn't speak. Shigure somehow coaxed you downstairs... when you were home. I looked forward to the few moments each day when I'd see you. I... thought of what I wanted to say. I didn't hate you. How could I hate you if you were weaker than me? It was easier when we fought.

            "Wait," you said one day, before I left. My back was turned to you. My hands were in my pockets. "Why... why are you doing this?"

            "I can't fight you if you're weak."

            You didn't care if I said that. "But why?!"

            "Because..."

            "It isn't even worth it. Asking you. No one would tell me the truth anyway."

            I closed my eyes, but you didn't see that. "It's... okay if you hate me." I took a breath, like I had saying those... words... to Tohru. "It's okay if you don't want me bringing you dinner. You can stay up in your room if you want." The sound of your cup hitting my tray. I turned to you, almost enraged. "But I'm not going to leave you alone up here!"

            You stared at me, wide-eyed.

            Hatori started to come over more, then. He would just appear out of nowhere. Like it was just normal for him to always be there. I lay outside the door trying to listen to their conversations, his and Shigure's.

            "It's progressing rather quickly..."

            "It's too sudden."

            "We shouldn't tell Ayame."

            "What about Kyou?"

            I stood up determinedly and slip open the door. "What's wrong with him."

            "Ah, good morning, Kyou-kun!"

            "Stop it!" _Stupid Shigure_. "I don't believe you for one second!"

            They seemed nervous after that. Why wouldn't they tell me?

            "Ha-san... Kyou-kun has been taking care of him."

            "That's not true! I just bring him food!"

            Hatori stared at me. I wondered if he saw anything, really. "Akito bore the full weight of our curse. When he died... it had to fall on another member..."

            Shigure took another sip of tea. "We had thought it would be the oldest of the youngest, or a new child altogether... Yuki-kun is... very ill..."

            Later that day, I looked in while you were sleeping. It didn't seem right. You were "Prince Yuki." I had beaten you. I didn't hate you. I watched you breathe. Carefully. Thinking that if no one watched you, you would die in the night. Why did I care? Where was Tohru? Why couldn't I leave you alone, Yuki?

            _So, that's it. I see you now; you recognize it. Would it have happened any other way? I wondered, then... why was it so stupid... to think of us... as friends...?_

            "Do you remember that vacation we took to the hot springs?" You smiled while picking through your miso soup disdainfully. "And we played ping-pong?"

            "I won."

            "I let Tohru-kun play," you said, laughing softly. "She completely missed the ball."

            I frowned. "Momiji slept in her room."

            You snickered. "The idiot cat was jealous?"

            "No."

            "I see." You finally pushed the tray away and put your hands behind your head. You even turned to one side, away from me. "Those are good memories."

            "Why don't you ever eat any of my cooking, you damned mouse?"

            "If you cooked anything edible, I would eat it. Idiot cat."

            I would smile, and pick up the tray, and carry it downstairs.

          Somehow after a while it was easier to talk to you. I wondered if you realized I was Shigure to your Akito... did you? Who was I? Kyou? Tohru? Did you think about it? It didn't matter.

            Sometimes you had coughing fits at night. I'd had no experience with a sick person. I felt useless. I would slip through the hallways to your room, quietly.

            "Hey." I clapped you on the back. "Come on, quit it."

            You wheezed, glaring at me. "You think I'm doing this on purpose?"

            "I know. You're sick."

            "Am I?" After you had calmed down a bit, you would drink from my glass of water. "Am I dying?"

            "Don't think about it. Don't... talk about it if you don't want to."

            "We can't just avoid it like that! We can't just run away from it forever!"

            I gasped softly. "You..." --w_ere there too,_ I wanted to say. _You were there the day my beads came off, too._

            I started to leave, forgetting the cup you still held.

            "Hey."

            I stopped.

            "Why... were we like that? Why did you hate me? Was it just because I was the mouse? ... Why did I hate you?"

            "And I was the cat."

            There was silence. Then: "What... am I now?"

            My pulse quickened. "I don't know," I lied.

            Right then, when I slid the door shut, it seemed to end your questions. And yet... each time we passed... I wondered... if you knew... I loved you. I bet you didn't. And at the same time, I didn't want you to, at all.

            So that's it. I've told you everything. "Kyou..." you say, as I open the blinds, but I try not to look back at you. Instead, I let my eyes be half-blinded by the light flooding your dark room. Finally, I do look, and you are smiling at me. I stare for a moment, unblinking.

            When I look at you, I see Yuki. I smile. ..._Kyou_.

            You've never called me that before.

Author's note: I couldn't include anything from the manga because I haven't read it, sorry. Anyway, I really want constructive criticism on this one. Anything you have to say, please tell me!


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